I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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