i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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