he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
