maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
