i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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