i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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