Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
And then he peed in my hair
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