so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
