Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
