Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
