Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
