Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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