you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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