please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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