I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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