think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
