it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
