well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
