just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
