Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
