new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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