You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
