Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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