Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
