So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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