Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
