It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
