i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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