So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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