My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
