he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
