one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
