This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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