I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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