You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
