I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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