he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
