let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
