You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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