Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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