I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
