my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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