Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Less talking, more tequila
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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