The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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