Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
