I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
