Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
