i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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