You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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