I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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