my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
