How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He passed out mid-signature
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
