Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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