Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's blow job season.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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